This is a good one…:)

13 Things PMS Stands FOR

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one :

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Ah, so true, so true…lol

{{hugs}}

Trista

1 – According to one shocking new survey, 28% of U.S. households have at least one member that is looking for a full-time job.

2 – A recent Pew Research survey found that 55 percent of the U.S. labor force has experienced either unemployment, a pay decrease, a reduction in hours or an involuntary move to part-time work since the recession began.

3 – There are 9.2 million Americans that are unemployed but that are not receiving an unemployment insurance check.

4 – In America today, the average time needed to find a job has risen to a record 35.2 weeks.

5 – According to one analysis, the United States has lost 10.5 million jobs since 2007.

6 – China’s trade surplus (much of it with the United States) climbed 140 percent in June compared to a year earlier.

7 – This is what American workers now must compete against: in China a garment worker makes approximately 86 cents an hour and in Cambodia a garment worker makes approximately 22 cents an hour.

8 – According to a poll taken in 2009, 61 percent of Americans ”always or usually” live paycheck to paycheck.  That was up significantly from 49 percent in 2008 and 43 percent in 2007.

9 – According to a recent poll conducted by Bloomberg, 71% of Americans say that it still feels like the economy is in a recession.

10 – Banks repossessed 269,962 U.S. homes during the second quarter of 2010, which was a new all-time record.

11 – Banks repossessed an average of 4,000 South Florida properties a month in the first half of 2010, up 83 percent from the first half of 2009.

12 – According to RealtyTrac, a total of 1.65 million U.S. properties received foreclosure filings during the first half of 2010.

13 – The Mortgage Bankers Association recently announced that demand for loans to purchase U.S. homes has sunk to a 13-year low.

14 – Only the top 5 percent of U.S. households have earned enough additional income to match the rise in housing costs since 1975.

15 – 1.41 million Americans filed for personal bankruptcy in 2009 – a 32 percent increase over 2008.

16 – Back in 1950 each retiree’s Social Security benefit was paid for by 16 workers.  Today, each retiree’s Social Security benefit is paid for by approximately 3.3 workers.  By 2025 it is projected that there will be approximately two workers for each retiree.

17 – According to a new poll, six of 10 non-retirees believe that Social Security won’t be able to pay them benefits when they stop working.

18 – 43 percent of Americans have less than $10,000 saved for retirement.

19 – According to one survey, 36 percent of Americans say that they don’t contribute anything to retirement savings.

20 – According to one recent survey, 24% of American workers say that they have postponed their planned retirement age in the past year.

21 – The Conference Board’s Consumer Confidence Index declined sharply to 52.9 in June.  Most economists had expected that the figure for June would be somewhere around 62.

22 – Retail sales in the U.S. fell in June for a second month in a row.

23 – Vacancies and lease rates at U.S. shopping centers continued to get worse during the second quarter of 2010.

24 – Consumer credit in the United States has contracted during 15 of the past 16 months.

25 – During the first quarter of 2010, the total number of loans that are at least three months past due in the United States increased for the 16th consecutive quarter.

26 – Things are now so bad in California that in the region around the state capital, Sacramento, there is now one closed business for every six that are still open.

27 – The state of Illinois now ranks eighth in the world in possible bond-holder default.  The state of California is ninth.

28 – More than 25 percent of Americans now have a credit score below 599, which means that they are a very bad credit risk.

29 – On Friday, U.S. regulators closed down three banks in Florida, two in South Carolina and one in Michigan, bringing to 96 the number of U.S. banks to be shut down so far in 2010.

30 – The FDIC’s deposit insurance fund now has negative 20.7 billion dollars in it, which represents a slight improvement from the end of 2009.

31 – The U.S. federal budget deficit has topped $1 trillion with three months still to go in the current budget year.

32 – According to a U.S. Treasury Department report to Congress, the U.S. national debt will top $13.6 trillion this year and climb to an estimated $19.6 trillion by 2015.

33 – The M3 money supply plunged at a 9.6 percent annual rate during the first quarter of 2010.

34 – According to a new poll of Americans between the ages of 44 and 75, 61% said that running out money was their biggest fear. The remaining 39% thought death was scarier.

35 – One study found that as of 2007, the bottom 80 percent of American households held about 7% of the liquid financial assets.

36 – The bottom 40 percent of all income earners in the United States now collectively own less than 1 percent of the nation’s wealth.

37 – The number of Americans with incomes below the official poverty line rose by about 15% between 2000 and 2006, and by 2008 over 30 million U.S. workers were earning less than $10 per hour.

38 – According to one recent study, approximately 21 percent of all children in the United States are living below the poverty line in 2010 - the highest rate in 20 years.

39 – For the first time in U.S. history, more than 40 million Americans are on food stamps, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture projects that number will go up to 43 million Americans in 2011.

40 – A new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey has found that just 23% of American voters nationwide believe the federal government today has the consent of the governed.

Thish one is hilarious…lol

I had to take my son’s lizard to the vet.

Here’s what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad. Can you help?” 

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do..

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!”
“Oh, my gosh!” my wife exclaimed. “She’s having babies.”
“What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!”

I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to reproduce,” I said accusingly to my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?” she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically! )

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” 
“Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed. 

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,” she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

“Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,” I announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked
“
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. 

“We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know.

“Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged. 

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

“What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?”

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. “This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen. . …Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife..

We were silent, absorbing this.

“So, Ernie’s just . just . .. . excited,” my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood. 

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly..
“
Tears were now running down her face. “It’s just .that .. ..
I’m picturing you pulling on its . .. . its. . teeny little . . “
She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you did, Dad,” he told me.

Lizards lay eggs!

I had been invited to my high school reunion recently. I paid to attend, but had doubts that I would from the very beginning. Even when I looked at the yearbooks I had a hard time remembering people. I apparently blocked the majority of my high school years from my mind. High school was not a happy time for me for a variety of reasons.

The other day I sent a message to the women who coordinated the event saying I was sorry I missed it and asked how the event went. I never heard back. <<shrugs>> Guess I didn’t miss much or what I did miss would’ve probably been a repeat of high school.  I guess if there was anyone I would’ve really liked to see, I would’ve remember them when looking through the albums.

{{hugs}}

Trista

Woke up this morning to a really hot house. 5 A.M. and I was sweating like a pig. I got up and checked the thermastate. It was 83 degrees. AC was blowing, but not cold air…sigh.

The repairman is supposed to be on the way. I wish he’d hurry. It’s supposed to be in the upper nineties with the heat index at over 100.

Trista

When Katie (Katie Featherston) and Micah (Micah Sloat) fear their San Diego, Calif., home may be haunted by a demonic presence, Micah sets up a video camera to document all the jaw-dropping, hair-raising action over a series of several nights in fall 2006. The paranormal occurrences increase in frequency and significance, leaving Katie more and more distraught — and determined to put an end to the terror.

I saw the end coming a mile away. It had it’s moments that made me jump and gave me the creeps, but for the most part, it’s dull as crap.

So not worth the hype.

Trista

It’s raining here. A medium, gentle rain that makes it so easy to write. I’m currently listening to it hit the sky lights and it’s very soothing. Maybe today I’ll get more done on Darkness Falls…:)

{{hugs}}

Trista

Here’s a new one ot add to our list of funnies…:)

Ever wonder in your relationship, how ‘the fight’ started…:

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift…
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’

And that’s when the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’

And that’s when the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. ..

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds..’
I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend… I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

I rear-ended a car this morning… So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started….
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
driveway.’
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp

Have you ever had one of those forehead slapping moments? I did today. I finally took my Nikon to Wolf Camera to get it fixed after dropping it at RT. Turns out the camera wasn’t broken. When it had hit the floor, somehow a mechanism inside the camera locked. All the guy at Wolf had to do was go into the menu and unlock it. Talk about feeling stupid…lol. It took him all of forty seconds and cost me a grand total of $0.00. Zero’s good…:)

So now my baby and I are back in business of taking pictures…lol. My family is just thrilled to pieces, I tell ya what…:)

{{hugs}}

Trista